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“Ohmygod,” emotes Rachel.
This episode marks a pivotal moment in our newbie designer’s life – her first market presentation! Will the buyers like the collection? Will Women’s Wear Daily write nice things about it? Will Rachel look fabulous and totally not pregnant at all? The answer to all of these questions is obviously yes, but that doesn’t make watching the magic(al clothing) unfold any less fun. Read ahead as we ponder the un-chicness of childbirth, Jeremiah’s sexual preference and whether or not we could wear an all-white suit without spilling things on it (we couldn’t, but that wouldn’t stop us from trying) in our real time recap of The Rachel Zoe Project!
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The most pregnant Rachel ever looks.
10:00pm: “If they don’t buy, none of this matters,” says Rodger in an attempt to sound dramatic and like a real authority figure. “Shut up Rodger,” says Mandana on the inside.
10:02pm: Jeremiah must choose the jewelry for the presentation. “It’s so easy, a monkey could do it,” says Mandana. If pet monkeys that pick out jewelry for you existed, Rachel Zoe would clearly have one.
10:04pm: Rachel realized that after she gives birth, she will in fact have a baby. And there will be sweating. “It’s so not chic,” says Rachel.
10:06pm: Jeremiah does not know what a hoop is, or that there are five different types of gold (there are?). Mandana wants “goldish silver,” and Jeremiah is confused. He is used to building things. Wait wait wait… is he straight?
10:10pm: Zoe-MG, they’re in New York and it’s the WWD shoot. Rachel is wearing a gorgeous white coat and boots. We love! We watch a tender moment between Rachel and Joey, in which he does her lipstick (with emotion!). “Joey isn’t just my makeup artist, he’s my eldest child,” says Rachel. Which is not true, because her eldest child is Rodger.
10:16pm: The WWD appointment is making for a great opportunity to sell her collection to the audience – by the way, it’s in stores now! We are personally obsessed with the camel cape and the white tiered maxi gown.
10:20pm: Rodger tries to convince Rachel that her name is Rachel Berman. Sorry, Rodger, that’s not her name. Rachel peaces out of the shoot wearing the furry vest she designed, which is “one of her favorite things in life.”
10:25pm: Rachel needs Joey to make his wife’s pregnancy happier (since he’s clearly doing a piss-poor job), so he stages an intervention in which he attempts to talk Joey into moving to LA and bringing his sunny personality with him.
10:26pm: Rodger and Joey then proceed to gossip about Brad, and how he broke poor Rachel’s heart. We were about to make a comment on how Brad is watching this and sobbing like a small child into his vast bowtie collection, until we learn that Joey has recently been dumped. Awww… we’d totally date you Joey! The poor darling clearly needs to move to LA and continue to be adorable on camera for our amusement.
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“I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.”
10:30pm: Rachel looks at her WWD article. “Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod,” says Rachel. Rodger adds that some people might have been uncomfortable buying the line since Rachel is a “celebrity stylist,” but since WWD liked it they won’t be. So guys, go to your local high-end department store and buy it!
10:32pm: It’s time to set up the presentation, and we notice Jeremiah has really weird forehead wrinkles when he’s stressed. They are like, circular. He uses his interior decorating skills to move the furniture around (because he’s OCD?). Rachel decides not to use any of the jewelry Jeremiah picked, or any jewelry at all, because the clothes work on their own. We agree. Jeremiah is nervous, but still employed.
10:36pm: It’s go-time with the market appointment, which looks much fancier than any market appointment we’ve been to. “The idea is to be on-trend but not too trendy, because I want people to hold on to these clothes.” Amen! We are dying over the YSL-inspired white suit. Buyers and journalists seem to like it – go team Zoe!
10:38pm: Rachel is very happy that people like her collection, and is charmingly insecure about it. Awww… If only she cried on camera, then she could be the new Brad.
10:40pm: Joey invites Jeremiah to lunch to see why he’s working for Rachel. (Rrright… that’s why he asked him out to lunch.) Joey intimidates Jeremiah with his vast Zoe experience, and Jeremiah realizes that this is serious. They are also wearing the same outfit. Yup, not straight.
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“See, he’s straight! This shirt proves it!”
10:44pm: Ken Downing of Neiman Marcus shows up and wants more woven shirts. He gives Rachel an A+ for balance and buys almost everything. Rachel sheds no tears (obviously). Until the baby is born, there will clearly be no new Brad.
10:46pm: Joe Zee of Elle shows up bearing gifts – a beautiful picture of last week’s photo shoot image. We die!
10:50pm: Rachel gets baby advice from her sister because Rachel is “Carrie Clueless” when it comes to babies. They discuss C-sections. Rachel does not want to know that she is being cut open. Childbirth is terrifying. We pause the show to run to the bathroom and cry.
10:55pm: Baby clothes shopping! It’s time to register for designer baby clothes, and there’s no budget! Baby’s Jesus-inspired sandals are $105, and we can’t figure out if Joey thinks that’s cheap or expensive.
10:57pm: Rodger and Mandana take Joey out to lunch. Joey receives a job offer from Rodger, which includes a car, a place to live, a spot on a hit reality series, payment (we assume) and hanging out with Rachel Zoe. Why does this never happen to us? Does it also include a unicorn and magical face cream that makes you live forever? He accepts (duh).
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“Why yes, I’d love a unicorn!”
Next week: Kim Kardashian gets to look bananas, Rodger wants to go to Vegas and Rachel still fails to actually look like a real pregnant person.
Images courtesy of Bravo
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