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I love you so much… even more than my collection of Chanel jackets!
All good things must end – like the jeggings trend, Friends and now, season four of The Rachel Zoe Project. This season has seen plenty of action – from hunky assistants getting fired to collections being sold to babies being born. But how will it all end? Will Rachel’s collection succeed? Will said hunky assistant, Jeremiah, be hired back? Will baby Skyler go through a phase during his teen years where he burns all his clothes in an act of rebellion due to being forced to wear adorable designer onesies too often as a child? In last night’s episode, the answers to some of these questions are revealed. Read ahead to experience it first-hand in our Real-Time Recap!
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Hey look! It’s that assistant we really like that never gets any air time!
9:00pm: Holy. Life change. We start off with Rachel and Rodger being adorable with baby Skyler. Rachel has decided that she can’t take a 3 month maternity leave, so she’s just going to take the baby with her everywhere.
9:02pm: They’re creating Rachel’s lookbook, and Mandana is the new Rachel. She and team Zoe style Rachel’s models with messy-wavy blonde hair, red lips and pale skin – so, just like Rachel.
9:04pm: “I think Angelina Jolie wants her baby back,” says Joey. Skyler is just so cute.
9:05pm: Rachel arrives at the photo shoot and shows them all how it’s done – or actually, she okays things and changes diapers. Skyler is truly the only thing she cares about now – not even things with fur and sparkles! We also notice that everything she wears this episode (and probably last episode, and this entire season) is from her collection. Great marketing!
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Something’s missing… maybe a giant fur coat?
9:07pm: Mandana doe NOT seem thrilled with this whole baby thing. We understand – she’s stressing about the shoot, and all Rachel is doing is talking about poop.
9:09pm: Rachel is amazed that she loves her son more than her Resort collection. Yes, you read that right. She was surprised too!
9:10pm: Rachel actually leaves to breast feed her son. Clearly, she’s never been on the subway.
9:13pm: Jeremiah! Isn’t he fired? Or is he not fired? Is he not not fired? Mandana, wearing an amazing trenchcoat, gives Jeremiah an awesome freelance opportunity. Rachel’s collection is getting its own store-in-store in Bloomingdales, and the team wants Jeremiah to design it!
9:18pm: Rachel sings an adorable, if slightly awkward lullaby to Skyler. We die of cuteness. Literally. Thankfully, Rachel works Ralph Lauren and Stella McCartney into the lullaby and we are brought back to life.
9:20pm: Jeremiah, wearing a seriously sexy leather jacket, presents his ideas to Mandana, who does not like his tall chairs, or his credenza. She’s also concerned that the space isn’t very functional. She doesn’t want her customers fat husbands to sit down in the middle and ruin the entire store. Just carry your wives’ bags and get out of the way, chubby hubbies! Bottom line: Clothes to the front, other crap to the back.
9:25pm: Jeremiah goes back to the drawing board for new and improved tables. Will Rachel approve? Will she even show up? Will baby Skyler puke all over any of her clothes?
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Sunglasses and sequins – they’re the key to my superpowers!
9:28pm: Rachel realizes that her infant needs clothing options, and immediately pulls out Gucci, Stella McCartney and Missoni baby clothes that probably cost more than most people’s entire wardrobes.
9:30pm: Rodger’s chief concern in life appears to be to avoid letting Rachel dress Skyler like a girl. “It’s not girly, it’s French!” says Rachel. Rodger expresses interest in his son wearing a “wrestling shirt,” and we learn that this is one of the only articles of clothing in existence that Rachel is not familiar with.
9:31pm: Jeremiah has interns to help him set up the store-in-store! His interns call him beau! We’re kind of jealous.
9:33pm: Mandana stirs up trouble by warning Rachel that Jeremiah’s original store-in-store ideas weren’t up to snuff. Will she hate it? Will she love it?
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Nice white blazer. We think we might have seen it at Bloomingdale’s in the Rachel Zoe shop. Oops, spoiler!
9:36pm: No to both. Rachel arrives, Skyler in tow, and there is – gasp – a chair that is not placed to her liking. They move a chair, and whaddyaknow, she loves it! But what will Bloomies think?
9:39pm: They think it looks great, of course, and put her shop in 8 stores! Jeremiah cries. Rachel hugs Skyler for comfort (who, we must say, does look a tad girly in the Missoni sweater. Get used to it Rodger, there are no wrestling shirts in this baby’s future.)
9:41pm: We’re back at Rachel’s house, and one thing hasn’t changed since the baby was born – Rodger is a man-child. Rachel makes him peanut butter and jelly, he makes bitchy comments.
9:42pm: Rachel and Rodger discuss Jeremiah’s prospects – and things are looking up! Bet you guys didn’t see that one coming, huh?
9:45pm: Rachel says she couldn’t have gotten pregnant with out her team, and has everyone over for a barbeque. We have a disturbing image in our heads of Jeremiah and Joey duking it out at a sperm bank.
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We can’t decide whether we hate or love this floor-length pant-dress ensemble. But we LOVE Mandana’s style.
9:47pm: Rachel is apparently famous for her salami, which we admit looks amazing. Jeremiah makes a “that’s what she said” joke – we assume that this is the first time a joke of this nature has been uttered on The Rachel Zoe Project.
9:48pm: “I gag for Rachel’s salami. It’s like so juicy, it melts in my mouth.,” says Joey. That’s what she said? (And may we suggest putting that on a t-shirt?)
9:51pm: Joey does not understand that poultry is meat, and apparently is not sure whether or not EGGS are meat either. Are we looking at the new Jessica Simpson?
9:54pm: Rodger thanks everyone for all their hard work, singles out Jeremiah for stepping it up, and offers him a job in front of everyone while eating. So professional! If we ever have a business, we will conduct all HR meetings over barbeque and tears.
9:57pm: Oh, now it’s Rachel’s turn to get all sappy. “You guys are everything,” she says. Jeremiah is bawling like a teenaged girl who just watched The Notebook for the first time. All together now: Awww….
We’ll miss you Team Zoe! Until then, au revoir.
Images: Bravo
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