Pregnancy and Chanel go hand in hand (bag)…
It was Oscar Night on last night’s episode of The Rachel Zoe Project, in which our 9-months-pregnant heroine must style 10 amazingly amazing looks for Anne Hathaway to host the show in while avoiding giving birth. She manages to achieve both goals with gusto (duh), and all in amazing thigh-high boots (also, duh). We also learn that we really can’t stand Joey – what is the point of him except to be annoying? We’re sure Rachel can do her own hair… give us more Jeremiah! Thankfully, the Oscars took center stage this episode (even ahead of some Brad drama) – read ahead to experience the glitz, glamour and drama in our Real Time recap.
Anthony Weiner did what??
10:00pm: Rachel takes “forever” to get ready now that she’s 9 months pregnant. She wants us to believe it used to take her less than forever to get dressed before… she’s rocking a gorgeous pair of boots!
10:03pm: The New York Post breaks a gossipy story about Brad stealing all of Rachel’s clients and Rachel being “furious.” She furiously denies these accusations…
10:05pm: Joey dissects what Rachel’s fragile pregnant psyche must be feeling right now to Jeremiah, who looks confused and overwhelmed, and like he wants Joey to go away. We don’t blame him.
10:06pm: Rachel (clad in a fluffy red coat) is super-stressed and not enjoying her anniversary, which of course is today, as bitchypants Rodger points out.
10:07pm: We look at Anne Hathaway’s Oscar looks, specifically the red vintage Valentino and the sparkly Tom Ford. We love… and are feeling nostalgic for the Oscars. Joey says the custom Armani will make Anne look like a “bionic diva,” which is so true and so awesome. We also learn that Rachel almost didn’t get the Versace gown, which would have been tragic.
Rachel’s nice, capable assistant who gets no screen time, unveiling the amazing Givenchy
10:11pm: Rachel is working on a styling collaboration with a European boutique, Lindex. Everything looks really lame and sad compared to the beautiful gowns we just witnessed.
10:14pm: Rachel is definitely bothered by the Post drama… “People need to fact check before they print.” Clearly, Rachel has never read The Post.
10:15pm: Rachel gets home from the Lindex appoint and storms into her room, leaving poor Rodger alone and lonely. Awww…
10:16pm: And things are getting even cuter – Rodger comes in with sparkling wine for his darling wife! We also learn that Rachel naps fully dressed, complete with a hat that is magically not out of place. “I was about five minutes away from a full meltdown.” We wished we looked like her when having meltdowns…
10:18pm: Rodger and Rachel have a heart to heart – Rodger thinks that when they have their baby, everything will change. We hope so… but then again, we’d love to see her adorable baby at Fashion Week sometime!
10:20pm: Rodger: “I just want you to be happy.” Rachel: “I am happy!” Rodger: “I think we need to redefine what happiness is.” Rodger gets worried and emergency-skypes with Rachel’s sister for additional support. Awww… this episode is just getting too adorable for words!
10:25pm: Rachel is sick! Joey: “Don’t you think it’s ironic that you’re the most stressed out you’ve been your whole pregnancy, and it’s Oscar week?” Why did Rachel think that Joey would improve her pregnancy?? He’s stressing us out…
Must not puke on gowns. Must not puke on gowns.
10:30pm: Mandana returns! We learn she is the Vice President of RZ Inc. Rachel’s sister Pam arrives to give some sisterly love, apparently because she is the only person anyone on the show knows who has given birth, presumably besides their parents.
10:33pm: Lucio from Versace is here! We remember him from last season… He brings a gorgeous green gown as an “option” that we don’t think she wore, which is a shame because we love! And that shade of green is not one you see that often in gowns.
This Versace is bananas
10:35pm: Rachel and Pam have a heart to heart, where Pam tells Rachel she needs to put her baby first and then acts very concerned when Rachel coughs, almost as if she is the first person to ever cough before. She’s just so darn maternal!
10:37pm: “A Tom Ford store opening is something that I don’t miss.” Rachel is of course going, while sick. Apparently she’s also doing a photo shoot with the Hollywood Reporter for the top 25 most influential stylists, of which she clearly ranks #1.
10:39pm: Rachel and Joey raid her amazing closet for pregnant-friendly formalwear, and happen to find the perfect dress.
All together now: Awww…
10:42pm: It’s Oscar day! Rachel starts the day by making Joey cereal. “We basically run a daycare center,” says Rodger. Joey is so. Frigging. Annoying. Rodger is getting stressed and so are we. Why doesn’t Rachel stab him with her Chanel heels? “You look like a hooker in Chanel and I love it.” She later asks Rodger if she looks like a hooker, and he smartly responds no.
10:44pm: Rodger has spends the day at their amazing mansion, and all he has time to do is answer Rachel’s calls on their house phone. Yes, their house phone. Who the eff has a landline? And who calls people on their landlines? Come on…
10:47pm: We don’t get to watch Anne getting ready! Major letdown…
10:50pm: After we miss everything exciting that we really, really wanted to see, Rachel makes it back in time to watch the Oscars with Rodger and all her minions, including Jeremiah who expects the experience to be like watching an artist looking at a masterpiece they created.
10:52pm: Mandana arrives, and we love her Burberry coat!
10:53pm: Rachel is experiencing cathartic joy after dressing Anne. The team orders pizza, and of course Rachel immediately sends Jeremiah to pick it up. No matter how stressed/pregnant/happy she gets, she still understands the chain of command. Mandana hopes the Oscars will go down in history – we are now anticipating Team Zoe watching the Oscars and realizing it’ll go down in history as the worst Oscars ever. We actually think that Rachel should win an Oscar because Anne’s gowns were the most exciting portion of that overly long debacle.
Anne Hathaway is bananas. These bananas are bananas. Okay, we’re tired…
10:55pm: But let’s not forget Rachel and Rodger’s anniversary! Rodger gets Rachel a Range Rover, and Rachel gets Rodger a custom-made bicycle! Which is so funny, because those are the exact same gifts that we exchanged on our anniversary! Except our Range Rover is white. Crazy coincidence, right?
10:57pm: They swoon over Anne’s lovely Valentino… and show us stills we’ve already seen of the other looks. “This is the ultimate dream for me,” says Rachel. Jeremiah makes it back with the pizza just in time totally miss the red carpet. No one notices or cares.
Next week: We may be seeing the last of poor Jeremiah! But let’s be real, he really doesn’t fit in.
Images: Bravo
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